Writing a movie review is NOT easy. It is not something that someone can just jump into. In fact, if you are reading this, you probably shouldn't be writing movie reviews. That being said, I'll run you through how I write movie reviews. First, I watch upwards of 84 movies a week. I DO NOT write the reviews as I am watching the movie. You need to stay completely focused on the movie while watching. I always have popcorn and soda handy to keep my energy and focus up while watching movies. My preferred soda is Dr. Pepper, as it gives me the pep and vigor I need to stay focused on the movie experience. So anyways, I watch around 14 movies daily except on Sunday. Sunday is review time! I find it very important to handwrite reviews on paper and pencil. That way you can avoid plagiarism. Plagiarism is a HUGE problem in the movie review game, and some plagiarists have even got away with it and ended up moderating movie chatboxes. So always write your reviews by hand and review other reviews of the movie before publishing. I try to watch as many other reviews of the movie I can find before posting my own to make sure I a not even CLOSE to plagiarising anyone else. Imagine how you would feel if somebody stole your work? Anyways, when writing reviews, it is very important to be very verbose. My reviews usually end up being around 100,000 words a piece. I think this is a fair length to be informative and show off your movie know how. After handwriting the reviews, I transcribe them to a .txt file on my thinkpad. Then I transcribe the .txt file to this website! You can find all of my reviews here!


NOTE: i do not endorse the fast farward button. a fast forwarded movie is not a movie. - pin

Some people ask me how I watch so many movies in one day. I usually tell them to mind there own business because they are coming from a place of bad faith, but I would love to share my strategies with my fans. There is a nifty tool on your VCR, and it's called the fast forward button. The fast forward button was added to the VCR for one purpose: to be a useful tool to movie experts such as myself! You can watch a movie completely on fast forward without missing a single detail if you have the proper training. The most difficult thing is learning how to read lips, as the fast forward feature does slighty distort the audio. After gaining the skills to do this you can watch movies on fast forward the entire time without missing a SINGLE detail of the movie. If anyone tells you this is impossible, THEY ARE NOT A MOVIE EXPERT. I REPEAT. THEY ARE NOT A MOVIE EXPERT. I watch about 90% of my movies entirely on fast forward, and still understand them deeply and provide remarkable insight and provoking opinions on them. Don't forget about the fast forward button!


Are you hungry? Want something to eat that pairs well with a movie? fill a bowl with popcorn and drench it with as much butter as possible until the popcorn is swimming in the butter broth, top it off with a generous serving of salt and eat it with a spoon! Bone appetit!